Drunken Work is so much Better than Sober Life

So when is bacon and ham the same thing? I know that ham and bacon come from the same animal...but they are different right? I bought a turkey and HAM sandwich tonight from the only4AM deli counter (711) and was very unhappy to find that the sandwich had mayo (EEEEEW) and bacon (!?). In what way is this sandwich a turkey and ham sandwich? It sounds more like a turkey and bacon with mayo sandwich...I am a bit upset. It's a good thing I am slightly drunk and going to bed so I don't dwell on the unfairness of life based on the definition of a good sandwich.
Other than my poor choice in dinner, life is pretty good.
I am going home to "help" my parents sell my childhood home...aka cry and have a fit at them selling everything we've laid eyes on since I was wee little brat..."You can NOT have my barbie house for $10...FUCK OFF." I don't know how long my parents will be able to deal with me. I may have to bring my own liquor to deal, but I have to go back to say goodbye.
With all of that drama aside, I have to say life isn't half bad. I am looking for a career job to keep me sane and am kissing ass/waiting tables.
Tonight it worked out ok...thank God, because all week it was aweful...
I honestly think that drinking makes my personality so much better. I was given a couple drinks and man did I light up a room! I floated on air and made money. I think I need to bring my own liquor to the party from now on and become a bonified alcoholic waitress until I make it big.
Cheers.