i do everything for minimum wage

so...i kinda feel like the joy of all trades lately. in the past week, i've bartended, been a sales bitch, been a sales rep, a member of the paparazzi, and a beer-giver-outer at a "posh" grocery store. with all of these jobs, you'd think i'd have a bunch of lovely blogworthy stories...but alas, i lead a boring life.

there are a lot of snobby bastards that shop at whole foods. this one old asshole had the gall to ask for beer, etc. so i poured a sample and was nice, even though i would get paid to be an ass right back. and after asking what he thought 2 different ways, he walked away and was like, hmmmph. FUCK YOU, buddy, i brewed it myself. i hope all the germs from my fingers got all over your tiny plastic solo cup and into your nasty, decrepid body. see guys? you don't need to hear my bitter stories of nothingness....not all that important.
one guy, the manager that helped me set up, was cool. he cracked open a porter for his friend to sample and put it in my bucket o' ice and we sampled it. it was damn good. so i spent 3 hours watching people walk around the store eating samples and eating food as they shopped, it was like a friggen buffet...and i drank beer in my little plastic solo cup watchin the masses horde around the salad bar. there are A LOT of employees at that store. the dude that helped me was cool. he got hit by a car the day before and wrecked his $4000.00 road bike. :( he had a fake front tooth. i can't believe a bitch took him out on his bike! i hope he doesn't get screwed by the system: he was going 30 miles an hour when he got hit! he worked with a snobby 40+ year old blond soccer mom whore that thought she was the cat's meow. she walked around asking people if they needed anything, and they gave her the look (leave ME ALONE) unless they didn't know anything about wine. people ask some stupid questions..."i was at this restaurant the other night....and really liked the wine...." um...and? did ya get the name on the BOTTLE? i had so many people ask me where stuff was. and i actually helped em out, when i only set foot in the store 3 times before. maybe i'm grocery store material.
so, the cyclist/manager/porter drinker gave me chex mix and kept the open beer stashed (so he could drink it, i suspect) and he kept talking about the annoying soccer mom perfectionist being a bitch. there was another lady giving away booze (but she got the wine!!! if only i was so lucky) and she said under her breath to the manager dude that she wished the soccer mom took a nasty fall in the parking lot with her face. :) and the wine lady was the same age...i can't wait to grow up and be just like her.

what else....i am supposed to be doing work for on tap. but i am sick of that place. i drove around for hours today and yesterday taking pictures of patios full of happy people drinking/eating...while i drove around with my heart in my throat thinking i'd get a ticket at some point in the day, or that my car would get jacked while i left it open, running, with my stuff in it, as i took pictures...:)
i got yelled at by an old mary in dc. i didn't notice him at all until i was done taking pictures of the bar and he actually got out of his seat, came running up to my car and told me i had to stop taking pictures of customers. um. ok. i have no loyalties to you. i thought he was going to take the stupid camera. he was like, "what's your name?" and i was all, "i'm not telling you!" and he was all, "i've got your tags!" and i was all, "so?" i hope he's not connected to the dc gay mafia. and i looked at the pictures later and he's in 2 of them waving his arm at me all pissed off...heh. i hope one of those gets in the next issue.

so...heard any good michael jackson jokes lately?

knock, knock.
who's there?
little boy blue.
little boy blue who?
michael jackson.

that's my favorite...but here's some more
q: what do michael jackson and santa have in common?
a: they both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks.

wait a minute...interuption. i am watching days of our lives...and it makes no sense. i think half of the people that are fucking...are related in some way. i need to get a book to see if there's a family tree somewhere. it's too complicated.

hahaha. the new burger at McDonald's is called the McJackson. It consists of matured beef between two fresh white buns.

how can you tell if michael jackson has company?
there's a big wheel parked outside his house.

what's the difference between michael jackson and casper?
one is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.