Beattie Celebrates Two Birthdays Thanks to Magical Older Sister

This one goes out to my brother, Donaldo, who is living the American dream by sleeping around, drinking as much as possible, playing football at 6am every day, and studying when he finds the time. My littlest brother turns 19 today and has found the time to grab a shot with friends, win 65 bucks in poker, and "study" for exams. The dumbass I am, I pulled a Beattie and called him a day early to wish him a happy birthday. The minute after I hung up I called back to clarify the blunder. "Um, you know we are uh...a day ahead on the East coast, so I am on time...uh, happy birthday, start celebrating now and I'll call you back tomorrow."

I was informed that he's having a blast at school and that he is taking classes such as "athletes and academics" in which one of his questions on a recent exam was,
Which of the following is the wrong way to approach studying?
a) Stay up all night cramming for an exam
b) Read ahead for all scheduled reading
c) Study each night to prepare for future classes
d) Go over material before classes and each night

He told me that he feels bad that he's actually getting credit for this class. He's also getting credit for a sex ed class...I thought that was required in high school...and maybe even middle school. You can get credits for taking that stuff in college? Fuking a, where was I when these credits were available? He got a handful of condoms and sucker yesterday from the "professor." If I go back to class I am taking sex ed.

I am done ranting today as I need to save as much internet porn as possible on O's computer before he gets back. Happy Birthday, Donny. When I wake up the first drink is to you.