Fatherly Advice is Cheap in Burritoville

I almost bitch slapped Charles today, which he probably would have liked. The day started off good, as I brought him breakfast and tried to help him out, but man o man is he a little baby. I think he has more estrogen flowing through his body than me and by the end of the day it was all juvenile and I am buying a voodoo doll to stick some needles in it for kicks.
I worked a 10am-11:30pm shift today, again proving I love to be around burritos. I covered for another manager who was utterly sick from "celebrating" his birthday on Saturday. We had drinks around 5 or 6 on Friday and he didn't stop drinking until the wee hours of the morning this morning, so suffice it to say his toilet has seen better days, but he had a lot of fun.
I have a bottle of jaeger in my car to give him, but just mentioning it made him break out into a cold sweat. It was awesome.
My roomates (who are guys to those of you who didn't know, it makes a big difference in this story) cleaned the house when I was at work today. I was so amazed I thought we had company or someone died or something. It's awesome. In a year this has happened twice before. And once was after an amazing party in which I had to work an early morning shift at my old bar where I puked all day as they vaccuumed and buffed their way into my heart.
I told my father about my stalkers and my hair cut tonight. I haven't spoken to him in like 3 weeks. We argued about why he doesn't get voicemail (He doesn't know how to set it up) or how I don't return phone calls...we each wait a week to call each other. It's the Beattie way. I was at work and it freaked him out that I all of a sudden started going off in Spanish (I was talking to the kitchen crew about cleaning something). I told him that a couple of the weird dudes I work with have a crush on me and he told me not to do anything stupid. My own father! I thought he'd give me a little bit more credit. I told him that I plan on having random sex with someone I can talk to in English and he said that that sounded better. And he didn't care I got my hair cut. Apparently he shot a deer and is all excited, he is saving the arrow, and got a pin from whoever skins and does what they do to dead deer. But he's not allowed to go after bucks because the law has only permitted does to be killed this early in the season because they are over populated. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isnt' that deer sexist? I mean, it's ok for the bucks to go laying whoever they feel like, but the pregnant ho bag deers have to suffer? He is all proud of my brother (playing football at an awesome school), we have gotten no rain at home in a long time. And I shouldn't sleep with my kitchen staff.
In 3 weeks I'll tell him I may be pregnant with either Javier or Jose's love child. Maybe he'll come out and visit ME for a change.