Darwin Awards

So, I am well aware that there are a lot of stupid people that coexist with me. CNN.com has been informing me of their existance in the past few days and I am thoroughly amazed these people are still alive. I am also discovering that CNN and the Onion like to carry the same stories.

There's this kid (who's 29) ...who is very, very drunk who just got back to his hotel room in Minneapolis and decides he feels like running. He proceeds to bolt down the hall and through a window (with a security bar) and fall 16 floors to land on a concrete overhang one floor from the ground. He doesn't remember any of it. Because he was drunk. He also owns his own bar and is from Wisconsin. He doesn't think his fall will affect his drinking. Stories like these make me feel super glad I don't have a "drinking problem" and no longer live in the beer cozy state.

There's this kid (who's 39) who lives in a basement apartment with his mom, in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin...where my father lives...and he overhears a woman screaming during sex, which is coming from upstairs. He decides to grab a cavalry sword that is laying around his basement apartment and run up and protect the woman. He breaks into the apartment waving his sword and asks where she is. I bet he didn't expect to see his neighbor with his pants around his ankles watching a porno. How great to be the neighbor. Time to start watching your porn on your ipods people.