Aftermath of Pooping Misery Prooves Fruitful for Pooped out Pup and Dog Sitter

The Shits Part 3
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

I am going to have to draw more pictures...this is an ode to Bandit. Who has ruined pretty much all of my rugs, and peed/shat on almost everything I put my feet on. O and I were talking about it on IM one day and I said if she doesn't quit shitting in my personal space, I'll take her lead and drop a load in her cage and show her how it feels. Hence my picture book of shits.

Poop Filled Dog Marks her Territory on Every Square Inch of our Home

The Shits Part 1
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

Smart Ass Dog Gets the Taste of Her Own Medicine

The Shits Part 2
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

An Abundance of Stalkers Creep out Arlington Residents

Stalkers Demise
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

Ah the fun of a stalker. As we all know, they can be a royal pain in the ass. As we all know, I felt a little bit jealous of certain friends because I am left out of the whole stalking experience and wanted a little bit attention. As soon as I muttered those magic words I was given the gift of two stalkers...(this is going back about a year). My first was Gay Eric, who was an asshole that called me all the time and wanted to go out all the time, etc. etc. and I finally got out of my life. The second is this rich old dude, Bill that would visit me at my bar every night when he was in town and tip insane amounts of money. Like 50-300 a night for pretty much nothing...fuck, I'll take it. So, anyway...apparently taking his money was a mistake, because he ended up wanting attention from me when he came in, and I whored it out for the cash. I started getting flowers, he sent a boquet on my birthday...another long story, and at one point asked me out (HA, so I fucked myself by asking for attention). He is now out of my life.
I have a new stalker. I am not proud of this one.
My new stalker is a Mexican (although he is probably from Ecuador or Cuba or somewhere far away from Mexico) version of Mr. Bean only NOT funny, like everyone thinks Mr. Bean is funny. (For the record, I really don't like Mr. Bean either, he creeps me out). This dude borders on psycho scary and grown men have told me they think he is sketchy.
Anyways, my first encounter is leaving to go get my car (that got towed, so I wasn't in the greatest mood) after a long day at work. It's dark and this bike with a weird gerry-rigged light system comes flying at me. I hear, "Joy!" as it approaches and I'm weirded out. I don't know a soul that rides around on a bike looking for me in the city. So I am like, "Yes?" He says he wants to talk to me about a job and as I ask him how he got my name, he unfolds this piece of paper with my name and the owner's name scribbled on it...weird...he doesn't know anyone that works there, and hasn't filled out an app. I can't talk, I need my car, but the dude keeps going and going. It's like pulling teeth to get him to agree to come back. I leave, thinking I'll never see him again. Next day, I am working my ass off for like 10 hours and he is there again to talk to me...FUCK. I want to blow him off, but feel like an asshole, so I talk to him...BIG mistake. He keeps rambling...and I speak Spanish, not the greatest, but I talk with everyone that works there and this dude is speaking jibberish and freaking me out. So I pass the interview to another dude. Who HIRES him, the asshole. So now I see this psycho scary dude every day, who comes in when he's not scheduled and follows me around the restaurant. He is a bus boy at this point, but he follows me around and shows me what he's cleaned like a proud little kid...and when I am on the floor he tries to talk to me and it just doesn't work because I speak English and Spanish, but not psycho babble. So I may have to kill a little bike riding Mexican stalker and bury him in the back parking lot. Or if I disappear, look for a skinny dude riding around Arlington on a bike.

Taco Queen Beats Retard Manager to Death with Burrito after Heated Argument.

Taco Queen Beats Retard Manager to Death with a Burrito after Heated Argument.
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

I can't handle stupidity at work and have NO patience when it comes to retard managers. I am a bitch and can't help it. The way I see things, if I can understand the basics of managing a restaurant, then any manager given the same training as me should be competent. If you aren't and helping you doesn't prove productive, you make my job harder and I will not respect you at all.
This manager, who is a major tool and totally sensitive...well, he fucked up majorly today and I let him have it. I tried being nice (but apparently I was a whore to him) and oh my god, I seriously wanted to punch him. This dude is a Cosby Show character wannabe and calls me "Dear" and "Kiddo" and pats me on the back and I think I let all my feelings of resentment out during our spat.
He looked like he wanted to cry/spit at me and I felt like I was 12 years old again fighting with my brother.
I need to start drinking before and at work. I think that will help majorly.
Side note: I kind of like being a bitch.

College Graduate Slings Burritos to Lazy Cops, Past College Professors, and God-fearing Hair Stylists.

I felt ashamed today for the first time in a long time. I am busting my ass as I normally do at the burrito bordello, because my asshole of a GM is a walking disaster. In the middle of my Expo shift I look up and see an old English professor from college. I panick. As I panick, I realize who she is. She is eyeing me up with this look of disappointment and I feel shame. I ask her if she is who I think she is and she says yes and I feel compelled to explain myself. I immediately say, oh, I graduated...but there is NO money in my career field...so look where I am! What was your major? Communication Major, Telecom Minor. Oh, well, It's cyclinal...things will turn around.
(Um-Kay....) I had a job for a magazine for awhile. I really liked it, but they only paid comission, so...here I am...
End of scene. She walks out as I say, Enjoy your combo, come again...(not really, but fucking-a)

As I turn back to my reality this dude that heard the whole conversation asks me if I have any telecom experience. I (am SO good at keeping a lie going without trying) say a little. Why? He gives me his business card and says that he works with an IT firm and they are hiring. I'm all excited, but it's fucking hilarious, because these people are either seeing my "potential" or showing their pity at my burrito power.

One of our cashiers (who quit) came in today to do a catering order. I was told to try to get her back, so I tried to talk to her. She really liked working for us (BULL) and she said she misses it, but her daughters never see her and...pause..."Do you believe in God?" "Um, yeah" (after I craftfully interjected fuck, damn, and hell into every sentence I used with her) "Do you believe that God can talk to you?" "Did God tell you to quit?" "No...God told me he had something better for me." " I think you can do anything you want to do. If you want to do hair (She wants to style hair....for God, at $20 and up) well more power to you, I just want you to know we really liked having you here..." And so forth. So, I wish God sent me messages like he does to her. I had to fall down half a flight of stairs, burn the fuck out of my arm, get humiliated by my English Teacher, and smell like rice and beans to figure out that maybe I should look for a better gig.
Segueing into:
I can't believe where our tax dollars go.
COPS ARE LAZY ASSES. I am not used to kissing ass when customers are retards, but it's part of the job at the burrito pit. We have phone orders where customers (who are lazy) call in orders and pick them up so they don't have to wait in line to order (but can wait in line for their food). So this fuzz has someone ELSE call in his order and comes 20 minutes later to get it, he is like 4'11'' and has Napoleon complex up the ass. He comes up and bitches, "where's my food?" and the cashiers (happen to be the owner's wife and her sister) think that the line lost the food and come back to make new stuff. I am watching them make an identical order that is sitting at the FUCKING PHONE PICK UP WINDOW, that has a sign about as big and annoying as Caps Lock text. The cop comes up to the window and I lean down and say..."Did you...CALL your order in?" Cop, "Yes..." Me, "Oh. Well, It's here, right at the PHONE order counter." Cop, "Oh....oh, ok, thanks." Fucker. Not to talk shop all night, but to prove a point about how retarded cops can be, his friend called in an order, left work to walk over to get it, went back to the cop shop (I think they are at the jail to be honest), an hour later she calls complaining that her order was missing 1 ingredient essential to her dining experience. It was fucking crumbled chips. Again the owner's wife and sister answer and say they will handle it. The cop comes back to get the order remade because it was missing the chips. That's your tax dollars at work. Two phone calls, two trips to a restaurant, and two dinner breaks, over fucking chips. I hope she choked on one of them.

I was going to blog this in the wee hours of the morning, but I fell asleep and woke up to this rant about chips blaring in my face. So here goes.

Happiness is a Warm Gun

dirty_harry
Originally uploaded by Lazer Larkin.

So...work today, well it sucked. Remember how I always update with how I'm doing with gravity? And how I religiously fall at every place I work in the first few weeks of employment. I topped it all today by falling down half a flight of stairs. Yup. It hurt. And my ass is still killing me. I am going to have a bigger bruise than I have ever had on my ass before. So I feel like death walking as my tailbone is screaming for me to swallow a bottle of advil or take a couple shots of GM. I should have just said I need off to get my back checked out and taken workman's comp...Maybe I'll "fall" down the stairs next time I have a bad day.

In other news, I have been giving the employees all the extra food at the end of the night that we don't save for the next day because I think it just makes sense. I'm not going to throw it out in front of them, that's messed up. Well, apparently this is not the right thing to do, in management 101. I was told it will encourage them to make extra food to take home at the end of the night so we can't do that anymore starting on Monday...Um. Ok. I will continue to give them the leftovers. So this one girl, she is so funny, she got all excited cause I told her she could take some of the food home. I came up to make sure the line was clean and there was this tiny 2 oz plastic cup with a lid on it and all it had in it was shredded lettuce...I was like. Um? If you want lettuce that bad, take a bowl home. I can spare the shredded iceburg. We are dumping it anyway. She's like, "It's for my hampster." I almost fell again laughing.

(Thanks for the cool pic, Heine)

Wasted Aussie Eats his own Toes after Huffing a Can of Aquanet Super Hold from 1984

toeman
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

This is from way back when O sent me an article about this dude that ate his own toes because he was hungry. His sister found him frying some of them in a pan. He claims there was nothing else to eat and the Aquanet made him do it.
I will never huff anything...and will stick to drugs stored out of a can.

Freak Accident Causes Pint Sized Pup to Pee on EVERYTHING Under the Sun

bandit
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

So, now that I am all cozy with my pictures and found a way to put them all on my site, I will use this forum as a "Joy Gallery" and will amaze you all with my countless skills as an artist.
This is from way back in the day when Bandit was almost killed in a freak accident involving a hibachi, a pittbull, and plastic forks.
Both dogs survived said incident and no onlookers were injured.

Cheap Arlingtonians Come out in Multitudes for Beans and Rice

So...who knew how many cheap bastards lived and worked in Arlington? It's amazing how long people will wait in line for a $6 burrito. I was at the head of the line for awhile for the first rush as a cashier and was told one lady waited about 45 minutes in line. WHAT? Why waste your break for this giant pain in the ass. If I am going to wait up and down the block for something it better be a holiday with beer at the end of the line, or a huge roller coaster. Definitely not a free burrito.
There were two types of people, the cheap bastards who wanted everything they could get for free, and there were people whipping out money for a drink, etc. It was insane. Oh, and psycho came in for a free lunch. I wonder if she'll blog about it.

I honestly have nothing else to say about anything...it's all work shiznit, that you don't want to know about.

I'll make this random, cause I can't stop at one lousy topic. I saw When Harry Met Sally the other night for the first time. It was a fucking good movie, I can't believe I never saw it. I just rolled my eyes when people mentioned it, but I laughed the whole way through.
I've got nothing else.

Dinosaur-Lover Tames the Wilderness and Survives on Cacti and Tecate

jimmy in the forsaken desert
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

This is my buddy, Jimmy. He's a cool cat, for those of you who don't know him. He's saved me in many drinking situations and has watched me make an ass of myself in the boonies at random concerts, which I will miss this summer.
Hey...remember the time we thought it'd be grand to grill a shitload of food on a build it yourself hibachi? Remember the time we bought an assload of coronas, but didn't have a beer openner among us? What about the time you pulled me out of the gutter after I did a nose dive at my old bar? Good times.
Come back and visit, butt munchers.

Clever, Artsy, and Exceptional Burrito Maker Explores Flickr Art Movement

rick james
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

Testing out a new photo op. I have next to no new personal information to gush.