Sunday, February 27, 2005

Cow Tipping Like You've Never Seen it Before

There was inspiration for this, by the way. The idea didn't just come to me randomly. Apparently some dude in his 60s was busted having his way with some other dude's cow. His defense is that he he started his relationship with Bessie years back and took breaks from his beast of love while in relationships with his wife/girlfriends, etc.
The story is worth checking out. And before I get the questions: Yes, this dude found his true love in Wisconsin...and No, I don't know who he or the cow is. And who said Wisconsin wasn't entertaining?

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Burritoville Dies

I landed a new gig at a pretty popular Irish joint in DC. Woooooooohooooooo. Goodbye burritos. Goodbye 14 hour shifts where I make no money. Goodbye and good ridence...is that how you spell ridence? If I am wrong, tell me, because I am losing everything I paid for in college.
I just had a great night out with my best friend, Sheila. Some random guy ended up talking to me and told me that I should loose the eyebrow ring because it takes away from my "beauty." I laughed at him and told him my mom said the same thing and that I don't believe her and I hardly ever wear the jewelry, but that when I do, I get comments that I wouldn't get if I wasn't wearing the eyebrow ring. I guess I'm a rebel, because nights like tonight make me want to wear it all the time.
With that said, hello eyebrow rings, goodbye burritos, hello cash flow. I am so happy.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Patriots Drive Fords!


24 Ford
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.
I love having an Explorer...for many different reasons, but I feel particulary close to my vehicle after watching the last 2 seasons of 24. Not only am I that much cooler for driving a Ford, I drive (an old) Ford Explorer, just like all the badasses in CTU. Ah...I have proven myself as a patriotic US citizen. I wouldn't be cought dead in an import, because as 24 shows, all terrorists drive imports! Don't say I didn't warn you.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Smallest Sib is Alls-Growed Up

Happy Birthday, Nen!!! How old are you now? 18? No, wait, 19! Well happy birthday. You are now experiencing the drag in between 18 and 21. You only have 2 more years to go until you can legally be seen with Doug and me. And nice job scoring that VW Golf! It is so much classier than the death box all boarded up with cardboard windows since the ghetto bastards in Wisconsin decided it was worth their time to break into a fucking Suzuki to get a JVC cd player. (My sister drove a 5wheel drive Suzuki Sidekick (!) that my dad bought her...) She liked it enough until she was cleaning it and saw a sticker in the door frame that said, "Caution! Vehicle has been known to flip over when taking turns at too fast a speed." She has been scared to drive around corners faster than 5 miles an hour after reading said sign. Then one fateful day in Milwaukee my sister came back to her car to find the back small (tiny) window busted out and her JVC cd player missing. What kind of bastards would do that??? Then our dad threw out the weather stripping that was set aside for the new window she was searching for and alas, Jenna was doomed for a cardboard window for about a year. Heh. Good job scoring a classy import, Nen. Driving in style. Too bad it's bright teal! Love you, Happy Birthday.

We finally say goodbye to Christmas

Um. So East of Eden the movie...SUCKED. I finished the book, and man it's as big as the Bible, so it was a huge deal for me to finish it. I loved it too, so I figured I'd give the movie a shot, cause it's a classic and all...it was a complete waste of my time. Roughly 2 hours I will never get back. I know James Dean is respected and dead and all...and I know that movie was made a long time ago, but it was a horrible. I'm forewarning the 5 people that read this blog to resist the urge to rent/buy East of Eden. And I know that you all have that desire to rent it whenever you go to get movies.
That and we finally took down the Christmas tree! I got a rash from picking off the ornaments and the lights and blessed the entire house with an abundance of pine needles. My arms got all itchy and red and I looked like I got bit by some horrible spider. The whole ordeal kinda made me wish we kept the tree up year round. Maybe we should have watered it after Christmas...who knows, but it got it's revenge. O was nice enough to take the crispy bastard down stairs and toss it on the curb. He was about 8 feet shy of the corner however, so I think he gave up lugging it down the driveway. And with our 30 mile an hour winds today the tree has decided to set up camp across the street by the community mailbox. So...we now have a community tree, folks. Cheers!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Swamp Thing Breaks Down Door and Amazes All

Ever broken into a bathroom? I'm managing the other night and one of my employees (who is really sweet, but has an uncanny ability to mix English and Spanish all the time...Even her native Spanish speaking friends can't understand her...do you see where I am going with this?) comes up to me frantically saying there is a guy trying to get into the bathroom and can't get in. Me, "and?" He's been in the hallway a long time and no one is in the men's room. Ok. How do you know that? Is there a peep hole I don't know about? I give her the "what do you want me to do about it" look, tell her to tell the guy he can use the women's room, and go back to working. I then realize I am managing the stupid restaurant and it's sorta my job to fix it. Well, we have no keys for the bathroom doors...I end up pounding my shoulder into the door until it opens and wouldn't you know it, no one was in there. I turn around and this woman is looking at me with her mouth wide open. Yeah. I must have looked half crazy and maybe a little angry to be busting down the men's room door. Maybe she thought I really had to go. Anyway...the thought didn't even occur to me that someone could have been in there having sex, or that someone fell over dead, or that they were passed out, or impaired or anything. I don't remember even knocking. I just busted the door down and barged in.
The night got even better when I went out to my car and stepped in the biggest puddle known to man and soaked both feet and my legs up past my ankle. That pretty much triggered my brain for a beer. I deserved it after tromping through the place looking like swamp thing.
And that is my story. Two new pet peeves: Stupid guys who think it's funny to lock bathrooms before leaving and big ass puddles.

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