Cal Tor Can be a Dangerous Place

Cal Tor Can be a Dangerous Place
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

I hate my "boss."

Bush is a Monkey, and Not the Ones that Fly into Space

bush is a monkey
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

I laughed my ass off when I got this emailed to me. Thanks, O.

Beattie Offered Hallmark Employment Due to Extreme Artistic Talent

Happy 29th, O!
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

Although tonight was a peaceful birthday demonstration, we will take you out and make you drink until you turn green and possibly puke all over your shoes. You ditched the birthday plans last year, so it will happen this year if you like it or not. Preferably not, because then we can just take me out twice in a few weeks instead.
Happy Bday O, and thanks to your Mom for blessin us with the gift of all that is Omar. Cheers.

German Maniac Taunts Repossessor with Chainsaw

germanchainsawmassacre
Originally uploaded by joy and pain.

Thanks to O for all the nifty links, I am able to share my art form with the world. Those crazy Germans...

Beattie Celebrates Two Birthdays Thanks to Magical Older Sister

This one goes out to my brother, Donaldo, who is living the American dream by sleeping around, drinking as much as possible, playing football at 6am every day, and studying when he finds the time. My littlest brother turns 19 today and has found the time to grab a shot with friends, win 65 bucks in poker, and "study" for exams. The dumbass I am, I pulled a Beattie and called him a day early to wish him a happy birthday. The minute after I hung up I called back to clarify the blunder. "Um, you know we are uh...a day ahead on the East coast, so I am on time...uh, happy birthday, start celebrating now and I'll call you back tomorrow."

I was informed that he's having a blast at school and that he is taking classes such as "athletes and academics" in which one of his questions on a recent exam was,
Which of the following is the wrong way to approach studying?
a) Stay up all night cramming for an exam
b) Read ahead for all scheduled reading
c) Study each night to prepare for future classes
d) Go over material before classes and each night

He told me that he feels bad that he's actually getting credit for this class. He's also getting credit for a sex ed class...I thought that was required in high school...and maybe even middle school. You can get credits for taking that stuff in college? Fuking a, where was I when these credits were available? He got a handful of condoms and sucker yesterday from the "professor." If I go back to class I am taking sex ed.

I am done ranting today as I need to save as much internet porn as possible on O's computer before he gets back. Happy Birthday, Donny. When I wake up the first drink is to you.

Wino Destroys 1/3 Remaining Braincells with Painful Draino/TCL/Clorox Combo

My computer is still D-E-D so I am taking advantage of O being out of town. I am going to use and abuse this God's gift of a lap top until he looks at and fixes my think pad from 1993. I think it may be older actually...
I feel like I am going to puke. More on that later.
I want to kill my boss. I don't really consider him my boss though, and every day I make that more and more apparent. He is KING of micro management and demonstrates this on a daily basis to all of us and I don't ever do what he says. It's a matter of time before he or I go, I'm telling you.
My personal favorite "orders" are when he tells me to tell someone else to do something trivial, when all the employees he can ask are right next to me. I'd literally have to turn around and repeat what he told me word for word. Last I checked, I wasn't his bitch. Today I called him out on it in front of said employees and then I just stood there kissing the breeze waiting for his response.
Dumbass: "Joy, those front doors should be closed, they are sucking out the air."
Joy: "I'm sorry, are you asking me to close them?"
Dumbass: "Why don't you get someone to do that?"
Joy: "That's a prime example of micro management. Why don't you just tell them to do it."
Dumbass: "I'm delegating. Go on, get the job done."
Joy: I shake my head and roll my eyes while not doing a damn thing.
Dumbass: Walks away.
Dumbass to new guy who is in training on first shift ever at our place who was standing behind me the whole time as I deliberately didn't do what I was delegated to do, "Can you go over there and close the front doors?"

What a FUCK HEAD. His lazy ass could have closed a million doors, taken a cigarette break like he normally does, and gotten his 100th diet coke for the day and still have closed the door in the time it took to "get the job done."

I miss bartending. But it is fun to deliberately not do what he wants me to do and wait for our big show down. I am so ready.
I know it's a Friday night and I am on the computer, but I am a nerd that doesn't like to go out on Friday nights if I can help it...I worked a long ass day until 9ish and got drunk by myself while watching a really good movie (Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind). I have been hearing a lot of good things about it that everyonce in awhile get shot down, but I am glad I paid $20 in late rental fees to get it, cause it was a good movie, and it was awesome to hear another great Beck song that played during the credits.

I am so fucking sick and feel like puking.
I have a clogged bathtub because the drain won't move up when I pull the knob when I shower. So when I shower I get a foot bath, and then almost fall on my ass the next shower because the soap is building up. So I bought super strength draino, a HUGE jug of it and poured about half of it down, 3 times what it called for...unless I have a cat stuck in the drain. So, I figured while I'm "cleaning" I'll pour my remaining comet bleach shit on the grime in the corners and use up the rest of my TCL lime/rust remover...I pretty much used all of my cleaning supplies at once. After reading on the back of the lime remover that I should never mix cleaning chemicals due to toxic fumes that may be fatal. Well...My bathroom fan is on and the door is shut and I am feeling like ralfing. All I can smell is bleach and I have butterfly effects like crazy. I either ate a shitload of mushrooms, did a rack of LSD stamps, or should never ever EVER mix chemicals again. I don't think the drain is declogged, and I have no clue how I am going to shower tomorrow without burning my feet on cleaning chemicals.

With the wine headache setting in and my new fear of the bathroom I am in for a long night. But it's Oktoberfest tomorrow!!!! I can't wait to get rocked in the daylight hours, and outside no less. I may even set my alarm!

Burrito Whore Kills Eyes While Reading Trash Novels Due to Untimely Death of Beloved Computer

I miss blogging. I am a dork. I find that when certain funny/stupid/retarded things happen to me, I have to first tell Sheila and the second thought that goes through my head is that I have to blog about it. Psh. How's that for tarded. But I have a god aweful virus on my computer and can't tell you all about all of my escapades, unless I steal O's, which Idid tonight. Fucking viruses. Karma is a bitch and I can't wait till that "hacker" gets what's coming to them.
That lead singer from Chevelle is pretty hot. I just watched one of their videos and think I am going to rewind it if nothing good is on next...cause he's hot and the song isn't all that shabby either.
Nip Tuck took another twist, in other news. I knew what was going to happen, by the way. Just to let you all know I am psychic when it comes to stupid tv shows.
In the past five days I have continued to get bitter whenever working or even thinking of work, so I think it's just a matter of time before I throw a burrito at someone. I drank on the job for the first time the other day and actually had fun. Mmmmm margaritas. The girlfriend of the bar manager at Finn and Porter came in again today and shunned me for not seeing her boyfriend about the job. Apparently they still need me...ACK, what to do, what to do...I would much rather smell like booze again than beans and rice.
I rewound the song and he is still hot.
I finally finished that Chuck Palahunick book because I HAVE NO COMPUTER to fall asleep on at night. I have since read that book and started to get into 2 of the other ones I left half finished. I can't get into 1984. It just doesn't get me going...and I brought it to work today and one of our 16 year old cashiers told me that she read it and smirked at me. I am SO not with it. She can't believe that I read when I don't have to. This brings me back to my Uncle Jim's grand advice, "You shouldn't be reading, it will kill your eyes."
With that said, I need to find a rich young man to buy me a new laptop. Or get O to fix it for me, C'mon O!
What have I done upon not having access to the Internet...or even MS Paint!:
*Laundry. And lots of it. I just did my sheets and comforter and duvet, and oh my god, is it a lot of work. And then I think that it's a damn good thing I am not living in the 17oos where I sleep on hay and wring my laundry through huge nasty dirty machines and shit. And then I thank god for washing machines and dryers and Tide with (Holy shit, an Interpol video on MTV...huh...Eeew. One of the dudes looks like Willard/Scary dude from Charlie's Angels that cuts off the chicks' hair/FBI agent in the funny/scary movie with Michael J Fox before he got the shakes/McFly in Back to the future...how do people get laid looking like that? God, I love Interpol). Downy...Seriously, Tide with Downy smells SO good.
*I flipped my mattress. That was a lot of work. In the process of putting new sheets on a newly flipped mattress I got lazy and watched Nip/Tuck
Rewinding MTV again so I can watch the scary Willard dude and imagine myself as the...keyboardist they desperately need...yeah.
*I have watched a buttload of TV and read a lot of books, I am sick of reading. It's killing my eyes. And the TV that I have been watching for the most part has been pretty shitty. Cold Case Files and Late night FX shows cause I fall asleep and wake up at random and have no remote. I NEED my computer back.
I have resorted to listening to the radio before I go to sleep, cause I can't listen to the crap on my computer...and well, the radio sucks.

Ok...It's evident that I am talking to the blog as opposed to giving detailed rants about my life, so I am going to go...and read. Something.